Breathe in just once. Magic! Full bowl of dog food has vanished in a nanosecond…. And you should see young Tali’s illicit speed-of-light trickery with the cat’s food …. a whole portion down his gullet in one snort.
Alpha Mummy:
“Is bread bad for dogs?” So asked Older Male Human, with his customary anxiety.
“Why?” I have an inkling of the inevitability of what is coming.
“Well, I had all the bread lined up on the grill pan and ready to go. I’d lit a match and this nose appears and Tali goes GARUMPH grabs a piece of bread off the pan and runs away.
“I chase after him with the match in my hand [of course you do] but there was no sign of the bread when I caught up,” says the mildly-aggrieved, concerned one.
We’re talking a distance of approximately 20ft here, roughly six metres, from grill pan to farthest reach of our terraced house. Usain Bolt has been clocked at about 28mph on his nippiest sprints, roughly the same top speed as the rough collie and a host of other brisk-running working dogs, including German shepherds, Dobermans, border collies etc, etc – and they are all left far behind the greyhound which hits the 45mph mark. Now, with Mr Bolt’s 100 metre times at less than 9.5 seconds, this means our boy could theoretically easily make the 20ft distance in less than a second.
The really impressive statistic is the downing of a piece of bread, wholemeal with extra chew, while on the run and hotly pursued, literally with that burning match and attached person. What is it about the human male and the masculine propensity for inappropriate handling of fire?
I reassured Older Male Human that our cheeky young dog is likely to survive the bread-consuming experience.
This incident has overtones of a rather embarrassing recent occurrence in wonderful Kent food emporium Whitstable Produce Store. This lovely shop and cafe in Harbour Street sells an excellent range of delicious food and drink produced in the Garden of England. It serves great tea and coffee, mouth watering cakes and sweet and savoury pastries, as well as hearty sandwiches, soups, jacket potatoes and more.
It is just as well that the business is dog-friendly. It is one thing keeping a close eye on our hapless hound when he is enticed by tantalising ground level displays of dog biscuits in the local pet shop, as can be expected. In the produce store, who knew that super sharp Tali was secretly eyeing up the display of seasonal fruit and veg? A moment’s slack on the lead and inattention on my part and he was right on in there. The shame! Two carrots on the floor and Tali snaffling one of them with gusto. The thing about Steve and Amanda and their staff is that they love dogs and have a great sense of humour. With head hung low, I offered to pay for the carrots but they made a generous veggie donation, beguiled by the shameless fluffy one. We are not barred yet!
Funny thing about Tali is that out on walks at back-on-the-lead time, his food motivation drops to disappointingly low levels – just when one wants to keep up some kind of illusion of being a successful, responsible and in-control dog owner – obviously using a bit of edible bribery. Over to Tali for an account of one of his most annoying adolescent delinquency traits, as demonstrated on our walk this morning.
Tali:
Here I am on this morning’s walk.
Now, the thing is on our walks, we have a great time. Particularly when I am off the lead.
Then I do a lot of the usual dog stuff. I chase balls, chase birds, chase the waves. Run about with other dogs up for a good time. Run here, run there. Sniff, sniff, sniff. Tell off the tide. Bark, bark, bark. We walk. I mosey and meander. Loosely staying with Alpha mum. Loosely is the thing. Inevitably, there will come a time when she thinks it is a good idea to get me back on the horrid lead. I never think this is a good idea. And I always know when she is thinking about it. I just do.
Now on our walks I do stay with Alpha mum, more or less within close vicinity, with just a few diversions. I generally return to being close by when she calls. Sometimes she gives me a treat and some fuss and a cuddle. It’s great. But I always know when it’s The Time. Time to be re-attached. Why she thinks I need that lead, I have no idea. She thinks about it and hopes I don’t know, I know anyway. But it becomes really obvious what she is plotting when she proffers a treat. Busted Alpha mum! There is always a dog-recapture aura about her. This is my cue to run off quickly in the opposite direction. It might even be a top quality treat, like chicken. She’ll give it to me on some other occasion and I can wait. I run off. Me, I’d rather be free. After she has failed a few times, I am having the best time. Loads of attention. Great game. Then, eventually, she resorts to doing some rather strange things. Digging a hole on the beach and trying to get me to come and look into it – within arm’s reach. I’m not that silly. Once, she pretended she had found something really fascinating under the steps of the yacht club. That time, I could not resist and I was nabbed. I usually submit gracefully but sometimes I protest.
A more recent tactic was when she made a big fuss of my walk buddy Uncle Chico, thinking I would muscle in for my share of the attention. No Way. I’m smarter than that. She also sometimes attempts the lead lasso tactic. Ha, ha, ha. Waste of time. Do I get near enough. Is she quick enough. Ha, ha, ha. Walking in company, one of those other bipeds will get a hold on my harness when I am unaware and passing by in a friendly fashion. How very dare they! Other times, Alpha mum gets me at the most inopportune times on our walks – when we are NOT EVEN WALKING TOWARDS HOME, for example. How very dare she! To be honest, after a few barking protests, insisting she releases me, soooooo deaf and stupid that Alpha Mum, I settle down. Then its back home for some more shuteye and sweet dreams of running and chasing, not a lead in sight.
Keeping Tali 